Because of the fact that I am only taking 6 credits (which I was forced to because I was only given dean approval for two online classes, because to take four at the same time would mean the school would only get $250) my financial aid is being cut in half so I will only be getting $2542 when my classes for the semester cost me $3120. I still owe them $452 for my current payment plan.
This all feels like an incredible pressure because I will not get my need-based grants and scholarships based solely on someone else's decision. I am not able to live on campus taking less than 12 credits anyway so this is the reason I don't still live on campus (along with the fact of refusing to take on-campus marketing classes because I don't do well in them). Living on campus though was the only reason I had a job because I had work-study and worked at the library. I have not found a job all summer in my area because according to different sources, I am either too qualified for minimum wage work or not qualified enough.
Despite this whole struggle, I want everyone to know that nothing is impossible. This whole things just proves that God is the only source. I've watched God pay college tuition bills totally almost $10,000 altogether so I know that this $1230 I need to be debt free will be chump change for him. After all, he is the King of Kings. Where God gives vision, he always provides provision.
The only thing that hurts is the plans I had for the refund money I was thinking I would get. One plan was to get another laptop with video editing software on it and a camera so I could shoot a really awesome video for the Dr. Pepper Tuition Giveway. The girl in the lead right now has over 1000 votes so I really have some tough competition.
Ultimately, I just want everyone to know that I still believe nothing is impossible with God. I still believe God and I know I will see his glory.
This morning, I woke up and wrote a poem about all the difficulties that presented themselves before me yesterday. I called it R.I.P.
To my friendship with you
covered in black and blues
from all the abuse
it's a shame
you lost a friend
so tried and true.
To my fears and doubts
I will tie them up; lock them up
They will not get out
To poverty, sickness, addiction, and lack
won the smack
down for each of these things
when he died on a tree.
He went to hell and suffered
just so I could have life more abundantly
meant to be lived
fearless and brave.
Jesus approached me last night
Child, where is your faith?
He holds the keys
to death and the grave
Friend, you can do all things through me.
Now, I must believe in God and the manifestation of his glory.
Today, I was reading my Joyce Meyer magazine and there was an article by one of her long-time employees about doing it afraid and it spoke to me in a new way: Don't ever let fear keep you from your destiny. It may not be easy, but God will be right there to meet you along the way.
So all I ask of anyone reading this is three things:
Don't lose hope (for me or anyone else) ever.
Keep voting for the Dr. Pepper scholarship for me (see above link)
Donate here if you would like to help me in any way while I continue to look for a job and apply for scholarships.
Until next time, remember: Jail didn't make me find God; he's always been there. They can lock me up but my spirit and my love can never be confined to prison walls.-Lil Wayne♥
Love Times Infinity,
~Just Keep Swimming~