Being single is actually something I'm no longer bothered by for the most part because I've just accepted that it's not because I'm any less worthy of love than any other person but because it's not yet the time for me to be in a relationship.
Yet, recently I had a really off day filled with insecurities and self-doubt, and being single really sucked because on days like that, you just want someone to tell you that they love you for who you are and you are enough for them. No, I don't get upset about being single on Valentine's Day, New Year's Eve, or even Christmas. It's usually days that happen out of the blue for me because after all, I am human and suffer from personal insecurities.
On this particular day, I was feeling the immense pressure of starting my three last classes. I spent the last two days doing homework and I was just not feeling up to doing any of it because well, there were particular circumstances that were making me feel a bit down in the dumps (being unemployed, still owing Saint Leo, still awaiting my financial aid to be released, being in a fight with my younger sister and not speaking to her). Instead of making up with me, I watched as she constantly was talking to her boyfriend on the phone about her whole day and I felt a little sad. My sister is far from perfect and yet she has a boy who is head over heels in love with her. Why not me? I've got a lot of love to offer. Basically, it was all based off me feeling lonely due to my circumstances.
So, after crying for a little while and getting nothing accomplished, I finally realized I had a free Redbox code and my dad had yet to see The Fault In Our Stars so I rented it for us to watch because I knew watching Hazel and Augustus's love story (although short-lived) would comfort me because Augustus Waters is like the ideal guy even if he had one leg due to terminal cancer. Everything about his personality and the way he fought for Hazel and never left her side are the ideal traits I hope to find in the guy I end up with because my past lovers have not at all measured up and well, I deserve to love and be loved in return by a great guy out there. (Fingers crossed that guy is Zac Efron. Haha just kidding).
Me wearing my new make-up which blends well with my tan ( I wear Maybelline Dream Wonder Powder Foundation in Nude).
Ultimately, this day just showed me that being single only sucks if you let external distractions convince you that you are not worthy or beautiful enough to be loved, and if you are reading this right now, and single, that is completely untrue and should not even be a thought you toss back and forth inside your head. You are worthy and beautiful enough to be loved. And you deserve to learn to love yourself first before anyone else does.♥
Before I go, shoutout to SuperLux for nominating me for the Leibster Award for blogging. I'll be posting my acceptance soon.
Love Times Infinity,
~Just Keep Swimming~