Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Day 20: Describe your most difficult breakup and what you learned from it♥

Happiness is a form of courage...Since I don't really consider my middle school relationships real relationships even though they did teach me things...I'm going to talk about a falling out with a friend and what it taught me. I'll spare the details of why we had a period of falling out, but I did learn a lot during that rather tough season of my life.

1.Your happiness does not rest in the hands of another person.
 I really wanted to date this guy.  I would have actually died in order to say that I was this guy's girlfriend. Isn't that just the most messed up logic you ever heard? Yet, that's what happens when you love someone more than yourself. It makes you a little bit illogical and irrational in your thinking. You think, say, and do things you wouldn't normally do. Yet, I realized the error of my ways and took about a seven month separation from this guy in order to deal with a lot of demons that I never actually dealt with from childhood up to that point. It was a painful separation because this guy is one of my best friends. During this separation period, I realized how strong I had become. I also realized that I didn't need to date this guy in order to be happy. I should just be happy he ever walked into my life at all considering all he's done to change it for the better. So remember that, guys and gals, your happiness is your responsibility. No one else's. You have complete control of your attitude. How you feel does not define how you act. You have to make the choice each and every day, and during each individual situation to choose happiness.

2. Pride can be a relationship killer.

As a Leo, pride is my modus operandi. Basically, everything I do, I do out of pride. One way or another, it's all because I think highly of myself. At least that's what astrology says about Leos. I do agree with this somewhat because sometimes I can take such pride in my work, my friends, my job, or my family, that if people come against them in any way, or even if my friends make decisions that I don't agree with, it usually puts me in a sour mood. Why? Well, because I feel like you should know better than to mess with a proud Lion, or in the case of my friends, I believe they are better than the decision they might have made and it irks me when they can't see it my way. Yet, I realized where this relationship was concerned, my pride was actually pushing this guy away from me instead of pulling him closer. He doesn't like the fact that I can be possessive about my friends sometimes. Sometimes though, a little too much. I realized my mistakes were because of my pretentious pride and I've started being a little less possessive of my friends. I mean, the jungle of life is too big for me to roam it all alone just because I'm too proud to beg.

3. Forgiveness really is a healer.

Another problem with my pride is that it tends to always want to hold grudges against anyone who has wounded it. My pride is a vengeful bitch. haha. I tend to have a lot of patience with people but two things really set off the beast inside:
1. Crossing me out of disrespect
2. Ignoring me, abandoning me, and/or taking me for granted

Like I said, my pride thinks that I'm the greatest person to walk this earth. Yet, I sometimes have to reason with her, and get her to realize that the only way to truly be successful in life is to love yourself enough to humble yourself. Therefore, I get her to see that thinking of others actually is a healer to the mistreatment of others. For example, if someone took me for granted, I go above and beyond to be a friend to anyone I meet because I know what it feels like to have no friends.

The way I dealt with all the demons from childhood and beyond is by writing down all the things I never forgave people for and once I put it in writing, forgiving them became real and I felt each demon leave the safe haven it was calling home in me. Now, I've started doing that whenever someone does something that hurts me, and I also communicate with that person, and it seems that it's working in my favor. My wounds are healing. Sure, I have scars but they are proof that God heals.♥

I am thankful to report that since I was able to learn all this and give the relationship to God for restoration, he restored it in such a way that this friendship is now bringing me such unspeakable joy and I thank God each day for the miracle of bringing my best friend back to me. God is so good♥

Love Times Infinity,
God Bless!

~Just Keep Swimming~

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