Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Day 6: "Every woman has the love life she wants"

Happiness is a form of courage...Nope not true. Every woman has the love life she needs. If we got everything we wanted in life, I suppose there would be no use for a loving and merciful God. Yet, because this world is so full of cold, bitter loss, we all are in need of love and who better to look to than Love himself.

I'm going to tell you that I don't want the current love life I have right now. I want to be married to my dream guy. Yet, I guess there's a reason I am not married to him right now and I think I have an inkling as to why that is:

1. I'm not done learning to love my imperfections. I'm still in the process of learning to love myself. As a kid, I had low self-esteem and I've tried to commit suicide more than once so basically I didn't like myself. Yet, now, I'm learning to see me for who I am and loving that person but it's still a process. I don't wake up every day and automatically feel like I can conquer the world (although I should since Jesus already did it for me) but I'm learning to love the person that God says I am.

2. I'm still learning to accept the love I lost and embrace the life-long friendship I gained. He was my first love and basically, I will never truly be able to unlove him but thankfully, he still is involved in my life and one of my best friends and I thank God for that every day because he's helped me overcome a lot in my life and the only way I know how to repay him for that is by loving him unconditionally.

3. I'm still figuring out how to handle life like a grown up. Life really is hard sometimes especially lately for me. Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do in life simply because they are the right things to do. For example, I really don't want to ever go back to my marketing (IMC) class but because I know I need this credit to graduate and I'm trying to set a healthy example for girls my age and younger of being strong and carrying on, I'm going to go back even if that kid in my group talks smack to me.
There's just a part of me that always wants to do the immature thing and run away from what scares me instead of confronting it and the only way to get rid of fear is to face it so I know it's something I must do.
There's just another part of me that wishes I did college differently. I wish I took online classes. I wish I pursued my passion and majored in writing. I wish I stayed focused and didn't let love distract me from my goals. Yet, although I wish for all these things, there is nothing I can do to go back and correct them. And, if I had taken online classes, I never would have made the life long friends I have met here, and I probably wouldn't be the person I am today, let alone alive. So I thank God for how my life has turned out so far and know that he has my best interests at heart, and ensures me an even BETTER FUTURE.

So maybe that didn't exactly sound off on the quote but all I know is that I may not always like being single but I love being single simply because for right now, it's perfect for me.

Love Times Infinity,
God Bless!

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