Wednesday, April 18, 2018

#WriterRevelations: We are all Works in Progress

Fresh off the high of finding out I made Employee of The Month at my job, I seriously felt like my life was riding a never-ending high. Yet, what goes up must come down, and down I did.

Prior to finding out I was Employee of The Month at a job only 90 days ago, I didn't think I was even qualified for, I started to notice that people kept bringing up the fact that I work as a hostess and making it sound sour and insanely bitter, like they had just sat in a corner sucking on lemon peels.

First, my dad brought up that I can't live on my own on the salary I have now, and how am I ever going to move out?

Then, I hung out with friends from college early last month, and they all asked why I was working as a hostess when I have a college degree, as if working as a hostess was something that should be beneath me because based on the tone of that question, it was definitely beneath them.

Recently, I was at work when a co-worker who knows I am educated and have a degree in marketing asked if I was still working on getting another job within my qualified industry because as they said, "just to keep your experience going."

Although each one of these people meant well, I felt like yelling, SCREW ALL OF YOU at them when they had the audacity to question my life choices.

Yet, really, why is it anybody's concern why I am doing the job I do now. It is a job; not my livelihood.

And as I go to work each shift, I realize that although the company may have hired me because they needed me, I needed this job even more so.

It is helping me in ways I never realized I had become setback on, and it is more of stepping stone toward my greater destiny than any internship I've done or any work within my field I may do.

And I suddenly seen this with extremely clear eyes.

Until this weekend when I came down with the flu, and my world was at a standstill because all that mattered was whether I could keep food down.

I called out of work on Saturday morning and upon hanging up with my boss, I broke down crying. I felt like I had to apologize for my frailty and lack of good health. The same thing happened on Sunday, and again on Monday afternoon, when I was due back to work Tuesday morning.

I felt guilty for missing out on money, being there for my team during the weekend rush, and putting my manager into a short-staff predicament with little advance notice.

I firmly believe that things happen because they cause you to slow down at look at your overall life. And one thing was sure, I'd been working nearly 30 hours a week with little to no rest.

Because I convince myself that I must keep doing things in order to prove my worth.

Yet, I forgot something my near-death experience at twenty-one years of age taught me:

Health is Life's Greatest Wealth, and you should pity the fool that works himself to exhaustion and takes that for granted.

So getting the flu taught me once more that even God rested from his work when he created the universe which means having a day where I do nothing but put my feet up and laugh at jokes on Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt is not only okay but God gives it a thumbs-up.

And returning to the nosy people not minding there own business about my life choices, I realized that my livelihood has the perfect metaphor to put that nonsense to rest, too.

I sat down to re-write Dream Girl and Jessica's Choice, I only did it because of some hater from college who ruined my goodreads page and tried to make my worth as a writer equal to one star.

I had no idea where the story would go, as at first, I was just sprucing up the original book, until I quit asking for approval from people about the story, and decided I was going to sit down with my Lord, and write a story he would be proud of.

Yet, while the story was being written, I would put finished chapters up on Inkitt because I thought they would publish it. They never even offered me anything but having it on the site did help me see that what I was writing was working for the people I consider my original audience: the people that enjoyed the original premise of Dream Girl and Jessica's Choice BUT who wanted to see what a new version would read like ten years later.

The results became the finished version of Kickflip My Heart I have now, and although I've been told by various people to change this or that about how the story reads, the finished product reads as I always imagined the story should, and I'm leaving it the way it is. (Although, I had to make the theme park completely fictional because Disney is not allowing me permission to use their intellectual property as a setting for my completely fictional novel that was meant as a love note to everything Disney, and that's ok. It gave me yet another challenge to overcome with my novel, and allowed for further creativity on my part).

He allows us to develop and grow in a way he can step in when needed but without taking away our freedom. For example, if I want God's help, I have to pray and surrender whatever situation or person I want help with. He just won't play with my life like I'm a puppet and he's the puppeteer because that goes against his very nature. He is love, and love allows you to be completely yourself even if it's not entirely what the other person expected or anticipated.

Yet, we are God's created beings so in terms of him, we are no surprise to him EVER.

Me getting the flu? He saw it coming but he was there in the midst of it, healing my body and showing me what RESTING in him looks like.

Me feeling guilty about calling out of work, losing money, and not doing anything except binge watch tv, sip water, not eat, and then eat gradually does not mean the world will stop spinning on it's axis because I can't tweet, I can't read those books I am scheduled to review, or my company will fire me because I was sick.

With all this fully in perspective, I found out I lost five pounds.

Each of those pounds represents symbolically the five days a week I am scheduled, outside of those, I must take one of my few days off, to watch tv the entire day, and be unapologetic for it.

It's vital to be a better person, employee, and a smarter cookie, and above everything else, it is my GREAT PHYSICIAN's orders.

So next time my to-do list seems impossibly long and I debate whether to keep checking stuff off, or put it aside to sit down and rest, I will remember this mature thought:

So go ahead, call out of work if the day calls for it, and don't apologize for it, this is your one life and you are being worked out and developed for a greater purpose, and rest is required to complete that greater purpose.

Until next time, remember:

In Christ-Like Love and Confidence,