#MondayBlog: A Poem To Break My Silence

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


In case you can't tell, I am sick and tired of being ignored, snubbed, pushed under the rug. In my 25 years, I've felt like the only way to make people understand who I really am is to write it.

So I write blogs, poetry, fiction, and I'm waiting patiently for my memoir to find it's way into the right hands to begin publication but honestly, this seems like the only place where I can be ME.

On Twitter, people unfollow me because who I voted for.
On Instagram, people don't like my posts because of who I voted for.
On Facebook, people ignore all my posts except the idiot stuff I share because of who I voted for.

Social Rejection

Muzzle me 

with your ignorance

Read my message 

but don't reply

Unfollow me 

on every platform

I don't care.

Last I checked

the only way into heaven

is due to my faith in Jesus.

So what I choose to 

keep my clothes on

instead of posting a topless

photo 

on Instagram

Maybe that's what I am fighting for.

Maybe I am fighting to be heard.

Sick and Tired of Silence.

I have a voice.

I have beliefs. 

And I'm tired of everyone just patting my head and saying,

"Aww Chelsea, you are so sweet."

My sweetness gone sour

Now is the hour

I refuse to be silent 

ANYMORE.

Sorry I won't bend 

and bow my knee

to your false 

ideologies,

societal pressures,

and idolatry 

of legalized sin.

I choose greatness

I choose to keep my top on,

my eyes on my cup at all times

my legs closed

my nose in a book

So I can learn higher thoughts

so I can aim for higher ways

to live each and every day

So I can be an example

of all that HE teaches me

It's pretty freaking low

of you 

to make me nothing more

than the box next to a name

on a mother freaking 

ballot.

Drops Mic.

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#WriterWednesday: How I Found Myself While Doing A Weight Loss Program

I'd hate to start out a blog post like this but the truth is for most of my life, I've felt like I can't really be myself. I've always felt proud of the person I am and the fact that I recognized who I was from an early age. I 've always been someone that cannot just be labeled or prematurely defined.

So recently near the end of August, I was contacted by a Beachbody coach on a Facebook picture I posted making a joke of how my unlimited meal plan really changed the way I look. In a bad way? No. In a noticeable way? Yes.

Plus, being that I've still not yet found the man who will love for me, I started to believe that I must lose weight and become this shredded version of myself in order for my dream guy (wherever he may be or whoever he may be) to love me Delusional thought #1

I also believed that by losing weight and becoming this different version of myself on the outside, I would be able to fit into the SoCal lifestyle when I do move there. Delusional thought #2

This coach gained what little trust I had by confirming my two current beliefs. So I spent $150 on a Team Beachbody Challenge and was beyond stoked to get started. The program I enrolled in was the 21 Day Fix Extreme. You find out your target calories and are supposed to abstain from the use of alcohol, sweets, and fatty fast food meals.

The first seven days I messed up big time because I was using the Shakeology in addition to three meals a day instead of as a meal replacement. So once I admitted my mistake to my coach, she offered to check in twice a day.

I started to really do good. I ended up losing two pounds in one week and for me, somebody with hypothyroidism and multiple food allergies, that was HUGE!

Then, I got to September 21, I woke up and weighed myself and somewhere along the line, I gained back the two pounds. Did I eat unhealthy food and consume alcohol? Yes.

Do I feel that that was the sole reason I gained the weight back? Heck no.

See the week after that first blissful week, I started to get sick to my stomach. I'm talking in the worst way you can imagine, and then some. Plus, I had to go to work while being sick and do long shifts on an empty stomach and while dizzy and lightheaded.

All in all, I loved the workout aspect of Team Beachbody.

Yet, I prefer lifestyle changes that include each meal already suggested or planned out for me.

Do I think Shakeology and 21 Day really work? Sure, if you have the money to do multiple rounds.

I do not since I just got this job at Wal-mart three months ago.

Plus, I don't think it's necessary to spend that kind of money on a lifestyle change/health plan.

Basically, the truth is I am 25 years old and I want to indulge in the sweets, the booze, and the fast food without feeling guilty about it.

Do I think I could lose a little weight? Yes, but couldn't we all really.

My point here is that at the end of the day, this world if FULL to the brim especially nowadays with pressures from every side of this all important go with the flow or get the hell out of our way mentality and I find it to be utter bullshit.

For example, you can see it in the U.S. election. God forbid you actually admit you agree with Donald Trump. You might as well be admitting to all your past and future sexual partners that you have every STD or STI known to man.

As you can see, I am an individual. I think for myself. Have my own beliefs and pride myself on the fact that I tend to go against the grain in every aspect a person possibly could.

That's just the thing that bugs me about the whole Beachbody thing. I realized that I need a lifestyle change that makes me feel comfortable being me not scolds me for being honest about my mistakes and tells me to keep pushing when I was rounding the verge on my second near-death experience.

All in all, as an individual in a free country I would hope to be greeted with a little more respect and admiration, especially more love. And a lot less of rolling eyes and scoffing at me for being NOTHING less than me.

Until next time, remember: Individuality is what makes us human and separates us from the wild animals. We don't all have to follow the pack to survive.

For anyone who's ever felt this way, BE YOU! Do You! And RESPECT That I AM ME!

Love Times Infinity,

Chelsea

xoxo

God Bless!

~Just Keep Swimming~