#WriterWednesday: Why I Deleted My Tinder

Spoiler Alert: It's not for the reasons you are thinking. No, I am not off the market. I am not settling down with a studly man and moving into his Great Gatsby style mansion.

I got a Tinder account because my sister basically put a metaphorical gun to my head and blatantly seemed like she was concerned that I don't put myself out there enough.

I was perfectly okay with creating one because I love meeting new people and I like talking to people. Yet, I knew when I made the account, that I was never going to go on a date with any of the guys I talked on there with.

Why?

I don't like dating. And I know that comes off really weird simply because I have no experience with dating but it's because for the most part, I already know what I am looking for in a man and can tell if he's someone I can develop a relationship with even before we go on a date.

What's the secret?

Tinder is known for being a sex app. And people every day use it for that sole purpose. Yet, I wasn't one of those people.

See, for every guy that messaged me on there, I could instantly tell if he was just on there for sex and to buy me a drank, or if he really wanted to get to know me.

It's no mystery that guys don't really like texting. Yet, for me, if a guy can hold a descent conversation via text or in this case, Tinder, I will not only give him my number but I will also open up to him.

The true test of whether a guy is worth my time is how he reacts when he finds out I'm not only a writer but I'm already published.

As a girl who since my teens has a habit of obsessing and fangirling over guys I like (celebrity or average joes alike), I finally realized why Tinder didn't work for me.

When it comes down to it, one trait I am looking for in a potential mate or date is that they are willing to become my biggest fan. As a writer and also as a person, I face rejection every single day. Now I know I'm not alone there but still, it's a little hard to be me.

The reason I decided to delete my Tinder is because I was snapping and texting a few guys from Tinder about a new poem I wrote. The reason I told everyone about it is because I figured it wasn't a crime to share my writing with them. I had talked to them for a good month or so and figured what would be the harm in sharing a poem with everyone. I mean it was on my public blog.

As a result, I found out that a lot of the guys were not supportive in the slightest. A few wrote back: "Are you looking for more followers? others said, "Is this an ad?" It really hurt at first because they showed absolutely no interest in my writing and my writing is a reflection of me especially when it comes to poetry. With poetry, I really release a lot of emotions I've been experiencing.

One guy texted me this: It's a thought provoking piece that may or may not intimidate a prospective lover.

It all comes down to me being too intimidating. Ahahaha story of my life.

Well at least that guy was honest. Which is why I've deleted my Tinder.

When it comes to love, I'm not interested in settling at being anyone less than who I am:

Bold
Colorful
Creative
Emotional
Mouthy (especially when I have too much coffee)
Addicted to coffee
and reading a good book
lover of Jesus
doesn't trust people too easily
because of the rejection I've faced throughout my life
College educated
Loves working out but likes a good cookie or brownie every now and then
Dog guru

Who also happens to be someone who refuses to settle inside a man's shadow and I set out every day to do something to make my dreams a reality and in the meantime, I hope I inspire you to do the same, and be all you are and never let anyone tell you that you intimidate them or to tone down who you are for them.

Speaking of not giving up or toning myself down for anyone, I recently shared that I left Chanillo.com. Yet, I know a lot of you wanted to read my new re-write project, Kickflip My Heart.

You can do that here. ABSOLUTELY FREE I MIGHT ADD. So far, only the first two chapters are up but once I reach 100 views, I will add another installment.

Until next time remember,

Love Times Infinity,

Chelsea

xoxo

God Bless!

~Just Keep Swimming~

#BookReview: #NeverHaveIEver by @KTHeaney #WriterWednesday

 So I was intrigued to read this book for two reasons: one being that I also was writing a memoir, and in order to find the niche for my memoir, I've spent the past three years reading a lot of memoirs.
For all the memoirs I have read, please see my goodreads page.

   The other gaping reason I decided to pick up this book is because like Katie, I have spent (24 years) without one single date. No boyfriend whatsoever. And I can see the expression you are giving the computer screen: either one of pure (possibly faned) shock or one of pity.

And I'm about to smack that look right off your face if you don't stop right there.

This is why I related to Katie's book so much. And her very honest lack of a love life/ almost love life story gripped me from the first to the last word.

My favorite parts of the book were when she starts out talking about her first celebrity crush on JTT and how she wrote in her Lisa Frank diary to commemorate all her new grade school crushes.

Or maybe my favorite parts of the book were when she talks about how when she got to college, and couldn't pursue a social life right away because, ""My hyper-sensitive need to be a functional human being during the day always got in the way of my nights."

The following are some of my favorite quotes from the book and stood out to me as profound truths when I read Katie's memoir:

Honestly if slut shaming is not okay, why is virgin shaming okay?

Then when she talked about a guy she almost dated but nothing ever really became official so she got over him the way most girls do: moped around, watched Sex and the City, and slept it off. Until one day her best friend Rylee suggested they get high and play Dream Phone aka one of my favorite games as a kid growing up:

Her prose about this game and how strange of a concept it really is had me laughing so hysterically. Most of the book had me laughing hysterically so much so that my family thought I officially cracked mentally. Oh well, as if the pistachio doesn't fall far from the nut family tree. 

  Anyway, let me tell you this: I highly recommend this book because not only is it relatable in its awkward first person prose and voice about a young girl trying and failing at finding love throughout her first 25 years of life. I also want to let you know that if (like me) you have yet to find love. Don't even sweat it. What I loved most about Katie's memoir was that she made it a point to point out how the sad fact that we are still single is only because others around us feel the need to compete about it, and pressure us, and point out how sad that is. Not yet finding love is not sad. I believe it just means that no one has met your standards yet and in today's fast and loose society having standards makes you like a shiny new never used Iphone 6. No gunk, no glitches, and all yours for the experiencing. Tweet This And ask anyone who's ever held a brand new Iphone what that moment (thought fleeting) is like. The heavenly choirs sing and the lights get brighter. 

   I believe that thought I have yet to find love, God can make a way when there appears to be none. He's done that in other areas of my life so I know for a fact it isn't just words but manifested faith in God's faithfulness and goodness can cause it to happen to any of us. Do you believe it? 

   Recently, I made a Tinder which is somewhat not my style but my sister offered to help me and so I said why not? Even though I have yet to message all my matches back since I made the profile due to the fact that I have no smartphone of my own nor tablet, it was thrilling to see how quickly guys messaged me. They probably wonder what happened to me. (Or not). But hey, you can't say I don't try or put myself out there. 

The main reason I know that I haven't found love yet is because I'm not looking or worried about it right now. My career is my boyfriend, and Jesus is my husband. And I know you just side-eyed the computer right there (I will SMACK you) but I'm serious. If I'm not worried about it, why should you?

Until next time, remember: 

Love Times Infinity,

Chelsea

xoxo

God Bless!

~Just Keep Swimming~